


Bittersweet

by RedOrchid



Series: Quid Pro Quo + extras [4]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Ficlet, Fluff and Angst, Lydia Branwell/John Monteverde - Freeform, Lydia-centric, M/M, Pregnancy, Quid Pro Quo-verse, Surrogacy, baby through insemination, non-traditional family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-25
Updated: 2016-06-25
Packaged: 2018-07-18 03:22:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7297462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedOrchid/pseuds/RedOrchid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>She knows that Alec and Magnus will love the child they’re about to have. Knows they will be the kind of parents who will walk through fire for their child’s happiness. </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>She only hopes she’ll be able to feel the same, eventually.</i>
</p>
<p>(Post QPQ, pre-epilogue; Lydia finds out she's pregnant)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bittersweet

**Author's Note:**

> Quid Pro Quo-verse ficlets! Because I have a lot of feelings about a lot of characters who are not Alec and Magnus. (Also Alec and Magnus, but I got to leave them in a very happy place, so they're not pulling at me quite as much at the moment).

The crystal turns white on a Thursday morning, and Lydia sits with it in her hand for the longest time, just staring down at it.

She’s pregnant. On the first try, after they were all telling themselves to keep their expectations down, that it’d likely be months before it took, if at all. When she and John married, they started trying for a baby straight away, but eight months later, there was still nothing, and then John got killed.

Lydia remembers sitting exactly as she is now, her husband by her side as they activated the crystal together and put it on her skin. Remembers the seconds ticking away, at first incredibly slowly, and then, when they went past that first minute when the crystal was supposed to turn, far too quickly.

They’d wanted a baby so much, tried everything they could think of to help the process along, to no avail. _“Next month”_ , John would tell her, cupping her face and tilting it up for a kiss. _“Next month is our month.”_

There’s a soft knock at the door and then Alec’s voice coming through the wood. “Lydia? You okay in there?”

Lydia blinks and runs her thumbs quickly beneath her eyes before standing up and turning the lock. Alec takes one look at her face as she comes out and immediately wraps her up in a tight hug.

“Hey. Lydia, _hey_. It’s okay. Look at me. It’s fine. We’ll try again next month, it’s—”

Lydia breaks down, clinging harder to Alec as she starts crying openly into his shoulder. It hurts, everything fucking _hurts_. John is _gone_ , and she’ll never meet the children they should have had together.

She knows that Alec and Magnus will love the child they’re about to have. Knows they will be the kind of parents who will walk through fire for their child’s happiness. 

She only hopes she’ll be able to feel the same, eventually.

She cries until she’s out of tears, missing John’s smile and quick wit and the way his arms felt around her. Alec holds her through it, and Lydia is glad he’s there, even though, right now, she can’t help but hate him a little for being able to go into the next stage of their lives with nothing but excitement, and with the great love of his life at his side.

“It worked,” Lydia says, pulling back from Alec and holding the crystal out in front of her. “The spell worked; I’m pregnant.”

Alec’s whole face lights up, just like Lydia knew it would. He looks over at Magnus who is hovering nearby, holding out his hand to pull him closer.

“Oh God,” Magnus says, reaching out to touch the crystal and then dropping his head, clearly having trouble breathing. Out of the three of them, he’s the last one Lydia would have guessed would lose his cool. It makes a bubble of laughter travel up her body, breaking from her even as her tears begin to fall again. Soon she and Magnus are leaning heavily on Alec, Lydia switching between laughing and crying and Magnus rocking back and forth on his heels with his head bent low, trying to keep himself from hyperventilating.

Alec is completely lost as to what’s going on, but does his best to keep himself together and provide a steady frame for the other two. Lydia looks up at him and sees a panicked expression on his face; it only makes her laugh harder. And cry more. Next to her, Magnus grips Alec’s arm desperately before swaying worryingly on his feet. Alec’s panicked expression worsens.

“Phew, okay. Calming down,” Magnus says eventually, straightening up. “Sorry about that. Lydia, will you think me completely crazy if I said I want to cover you in rubies and gift you with a small kingdom right now?”

Lydia collapses into another round of sobbing laughter. Magnus gives her time to compose herself again and then reaches out and takes her hand in his.

“I imagine this brings up some memories for you,” he says softly. Lydia nods and lets out a shaky breath, standing up a little taller. “Don’t feel guilty for grieving if you need to,” Magnus continues. “I _know_ that a new love can never replace the one you lost, but they can find their own space in your heart, and you will love them—by the Gods, Lydia, you might not be able to see it now, but you will love this child to the end of time. I guarantee it.”

He sends a spark of magic from his fingers into her hand, and Lydia feels it travel up her arm and spread through her entire body. Her breathing evens out, and she feels calmer, more grounded. She looks up at Magnus and gives him a small smile, holding on to his hand tightly. “Thank you.”

“We’ll be with you every step of the way,” Magnus promises. “I’ll send Alec over with ice-cream at 2 am if you want it.”

“I’ll be happy to do it,” Alec adds, looking between Magnus and Lydia like he’s doing his very best to keep himself under control so that he doesn’t tackle hug them both. “Whatever you need. Maybe I should move back into my room at the Institute? I mean, it’s still mine, and I’d be just two doors down from you. Or if you want me even closer, I’ll make arrangements for us to have my parents’ old rooms. We’ll put in an extra bed. I can—”

Lydia presses her lips tightly together to keep herself from bursting out laughing again, and holds up a hand to interrupt him. “That’s really sweet, Alec, but I’m pretty sure both of us would go crazy if we had to share a cramped living space. I like having my own room, and I have Izzy and Clary within easy reach. And even back at your place, you two are just a portal hop away. I mean, what’s your response time for portalling to the Institute, Magnus? Twenty seconds? Thirty?”

“Eight and a half,” Magnus replies. “I set up a semi-permanent one when Alec moved in. For easy transit.”

“There you go,” Lydia tells Alec. “You can reach me at any time if needed, and we can both keep our sanity at the same time.”

“Okay,” Alec agrees. “Still, if you need anything…”

“I’ll let you know,” Lydia tells him. She reaches out and takes Alec’s hand, completing the connection between the three of them. “You’re both going to be wonderful fathers.”

Alec turns to look at Magnus, and the pure adoration Lydia sees on his face goes a long way to ease the sadness that still lies like a heavy weight inside her chest. 

They’ll be fine. All three of them.

For the first time in what feels like forever, Lydia thinks it might actually turn out to be true.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are love! Feel free to come say hello on [tumblr](http://actuallyredorchid.tumblr.com)!


End file.
